. Sick & tired .

I'm sick and tired of being the fat sister! Lynne goes to the gym, and looks amazing, plus she eats really healthy. Now i'm not trying to complain too much, but i'm currently unemployed and even when I did have my house keeping job I wasn't making enough money to eat healthy. Unhealthy food is cheaper, let's face that. Well guess what....I'M DONE! I'm done not looking cute in a bikini or a dress or..naked, for that matter!! My bmi is half a point away from being overweight, i'm never going to be this close again!
I was always a healthy 135lbs, which looked good on my 5`6 height. I mean sure things could be tighter but they were not as bad as they are now.
Last year, I think it was summer,I decided to find the real me and wean myself off of my anti depressants. I feel awesome, mentally, right now. Stopping the meds though made me gain almost 30lbs!!!! I went to the doctor in November to get my blood taken, I was sure something was wrong. Maybe my thyroid, or diabetes?? Something was going on and I kept gaining weight. Turns out, i'm completely healthy! After going to the Netherlands for Christmas, and divulging in all the yummy food, I signed my fat ass up at a gym and I worked it everyday for a month, losing 10lbs. Then shortly after, the boy and I broke things off and I got a new job and found it impossible to make time for the gym. 5 of the 10lbs have returned...so not cool.
Your metabolism slows down the older you get. Plus I heard that you should be in the best shape of your life before you get pregnant because you won't ever go back (I don't know if that's true, but its a good excuse). I wanna have kids in the (near) future (God willing) and I want to prepare my body NOW!!
Today I did day 1 of P90X! I'm also going to try running, taking izzie for a long walk and maybe swimming...and cutting out unhealthy foods! (why do I love sugar so much??)
For my own sake, i'm not putting before pictures up just yet...I don't want those on her until I see some results. I will be weighing myself every Wednesday, and measuring and taking a picture of myself every other Wednesday. My goal weight is between 125-130lbs, but I know muscle weighs more then fat. I would like to just look healthy :)
So here are this Weeks measurements (I cannot believe i'm doing this!)
starting weight: 154.4
Chest: 38”
Waist: 32”
Hips: 42”
L thigh: 24”
R thigh: 24”

Oh and if you don't have anything nice to say please just don't say anything at all! :)

Here goes nothing! Stop making excuses begins right now!
Xoxo e

. Where have you been?? .

Here I am!!! I'm back :) Here is a short recap of what seems like the last month, but really was only 2 weeks  (im probably getting internet Thursday and I'm excited to be able to blog way more then I do now!!)

My parents got to town the 24th of May. At this point my house was a complete disaster...a bomb of boxes had exploded and there was shit everywhere. I had rented a 14ft Uhaul thinking my stuff would fit...but after my dad saw the crap ton of stuff I had, I called to get a 17ft instead. Turns out because of graduation, they ran out of both 14 and 17ft Uhaul's, so I got myself a 20ft fo free! (I am a little mortified to admit that I really needed a 20ft...by myself, that is not ok!)

We packed the Uhaul all day Sunday, to start driving to NY on Monday. I had a goodbye dinner on Sunday with some of my friends..I had an awesome time and I'm gonna miss the friends I made and having my family close by. We started driving Monday around 9am. It was a circus...my parents, Izzie & I, a 20ft Uhaul with my car behind it and a rental mini van. Instead of it taking the normal 8-9 hours, it took us 13 to get to NY. We hadn't really thought about that while packing the truck, so the mattresses were in the back of the truck, so we decided to stay at a hotel for the night.

Tuesday we went to the house for the first time in almost a year for me, and almost 3 years for my parents. The house was nasty and it took us a lot of elbow grease to get it to my mom and my standard of clean...which is a tad higher then everyone elses appearently. We basically went from room to room on hands and knees cleaning and gave my dad some handy work to do around the house and outside. He installed a new vanity upstairs and cut my bushes in the garden. And when I (gently) asked if he could bring the washer and dryer up from the basement, he didn't even complain...plus he re-wired everything and got it all set up for me. While we were unpacking, there were 3 showings at the house!! A good sign, but alas, no offers were made. The realtor gave us some suggestions to change around the house to make it more appealing and I would like to make all of them. However, I was expecting another paycheck from work and I didn't get one and because I don't have a job here yet, those changes will have to wait.

Thursday after unpacking all my shit and a 2 trips to the dump and goodwill, I was all done...only to pack my bags and head on our great Canadian adventure. Lynne and Justin (sister & husband) got to NY Thursday and after dropping Izzie off Friday, we were off for a week and some days in our mini-van...driving away.

We drove thru New York, Vermont, Maine, New Hampshire, New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, Prince Edward Island, Quebec, and Ontario in 11 days. We went thru 8 states (I'm also counting Virginia, West Virginia, Maryland, and Pennsylvania seen as how that is technically where our journey started) and 5 provinces. We were never in the same place longer then a few hours, and drove an average of 7 hours per day. We managad to put 7000 on our rental car, which equals .... miles.

We had an awesome time and it was nice to spend time with family. My parents left Sunday night to go back to the Netherlands...I'm not sure when they will be back, or when I will be going there. Lynne, Justin and I left on Monday...even though we had a blast, I was excited to go home and be reunited with Izzie!!!

Today I had a meeting with the Dean of the Criminal Justice department at school and I got set with all my classes. I'm taking 15 credits, 5 classes so that I don't overwhelm myself. I rather take fewer classes and get good grades then get a lot of credits but shitty grades.

Next step: FINDING A JOB ASAP!!! Money is so tight right now it is not even funny. I think I'm on my last 2 dollars! Scary thought, but I know that God will provide...I just need to get my butt in gear

Also, starting tomorrow I will begin my weight loss journey. I'm creeping towards an overweight BMI, and that is just not acceptable. I'm going to be eating healthy, doing P90X, swimming and taking Izzie for long (an hour) walks, which will hopefully turn into runs eventually.

I keep on saying that I'll work out and get my body in shape and I never follow thru...so I'm hoping that by putting it out there for you to read (whoever you are, I'm not sure who is reading my blog) I will have some sort of responsibility and 'someone' to hold me accountable.

More on that tomorrow!!


xoxo E

. weekend recap .

Ahhh what a weekend!!

. saturday .

Saturday was my last day of work. I thought it would be a fun, easy day...boy was I mistaken! It was graduation day. With Liberty University being the biggest private Christian Universities, with 14.000 people graduating from both residential and online degrees...graduation was pure torture. I had to be at work at 7am, so I was smart and left 40 minutes early for my 20 minute drive. I managed to get to work 2 hours late!!! Traffic was completely gridlocked...it was horrible!

Laurel, my friend from work, and I had volunteerd to work at a seperate area for half the day...which turned into the whole day. The way these people looked at us while we cleaned the pews in an old church where the Law School graduated was horrible. They looked at us like we were complete trash, not worth anything. I don't EVER want to feel like that again!! And to top it off some girl stepped on my pretty foot with her heel and left a huge bruise...I think I'll live though :)

We got done around 330 and I said goodbye to everyone. I wanted to take a group picture but the girls were not having that idea...I think everyone was pretty much done after our long day of standing in traffic trying to go places and get home.

When I came home, I packed up some more boxes for my big move next Monday. I feel like I'm almost done...but there is always stuff left at the end when I think I'm ready. However, this time the apartment has to be empty and clean on Saturday!!

. Sunday .

Oh Sunday...I did absolutely nothing. I slept, woke up, napped, napped some more and just relaxed. I'm working on a cross stitch project that needs to be finished when my mom gets here Saturday so she can help me frame it. Gotta get busy!!

It was also mother's day. Izzie got me nailpolish from Essie that I have been oogling over!! It's called 'a cut above' and I love it! Izzie even let me polish her nail...yea, not nails, nail. I painted just 1 before she freaked out haha.

Well, there ya have it, my lame weekend! Next weekend will be more exciting with my parents coming into town Saturday, packing the Uhaul Sunday and moving up north Monday!! I'm so excited but also pretty nervous :)

xoxo E

. Birthday weekend recap .

Happy 26th (jikes) birthday to me!!!!

Here is my weekend recap:

{Friday}
On friday I worked till 3 and felt like I really had to rush afterwards to get things done. My birthday dinner with my friends was at 7 that night and I still needed to find a dress when I got off work! I found an awesome Lauren Conrad dress at Kohl's that was the first (and only) dress I tried on and it was perfect!
My birthday dinner was so nice. My friend Ashley, that I met when I went to college in NY, moved to Virginia 3 weeks ago. She now lives 45 minutes away from me!! It was weird to have her in my apartment in Virginia..but it was so nice to see her and get to spend time with her! I sipped on some yummy cocktails during dinner, I had a cotton candy martini and a pear martini. Its been a LONG time since I had a drink :)

{I hate that there is no more piknik...now i can't edit my photo's and make them lighter, BOO}

{Saturday}
Ahh I slept in on Saturday! I love sleeping in so so much, but its getting harder because I'm getting used to getting up around 5am every morning. I think I just layed in bed and watched NCIS till around noon!! It was amazing! Lynne had a tattoo appointment and I decided to go with her...and hold her hand. She got this awesome bike on her arm..it looks so cool! Off course then I got hit with THE fever...the TATOO FEVER! I made an appointment at her tattoo place for next week Saturday....I cant wait that long! Sometimes...actually most of the time when I want something, I want it NOW!! So Lynne and I drove by my tattoo artist, and he was available...so I got it then :) I love the way it turned out and what it represents!! Afterwards, Lynne and I ran some arrands and we tried to go to a JCrew outlet sale, however after standing in the rain for 45 minutes, we gave up. We had some pizza for dinner and then went to see Peter Pan. My sister is the assistant costume designer for Liberty University and they put on several profesional grade performances during the year. They have done Phantom of the Opera, Little shop of horrors, 39 steps, Ragtime, and Oklahoma (these are just some of the ones that I went to since my sister started working there a year ago). Peter Pan was definitely one of my favorites..the flying was amazing!

{Its a bee...and a memorial tattoo for my grandpa...and also, my 10th tattoo..jikes}

{Sunday}
MY BIRTHDAY!! Didn't get to sleep in for too long, because we went for breakfast at 9am. My aunt and uncle live in Northern VA and they needed to get home to watch the Capitals play! My grandma also came to breakfast, as well as some friends from Canada and off course Lynne & Justin. After breakfast, I went home to take a nap...nothing like a nap on a rainy day with a sweet puppy!

{Her sweet little rain jacket from Target...I think I love it more then she does}

{NO MORE PICTURES MOM!!}

We decided to go to dinner early, around 4:30 because this place is ALWAYS busy! It proved the perfect time to go, no lines and great food :)
We had some time to kill before the movies, so we went back to the JCrew outlet sale and didn't have to stand in line :) I found a pink cashmier sweater, a white t-shirt, and a glittery short sleeved sweater...all for $50.40 I was SOOO excited! I also got a dress from Old Navy that will be perfect for my  Mary Kay parties! We then went to see 'This means war' with Reese Witherspoon. She is my favorite actress and the movie was pretty good...I really liked it!

{Monday}
Monday we celebrated my birthday at work. My amazing friend Laurel made my cake, which was sooo yummy! I got a big basket full of little goodies and a super sweet card! It made Monday a whole lot more enjoyable! :)

All in all I had a great birthday weekend. I succesfully spent way too much money and had too many calories! Luckily birthday's only come around once a year :)


How was your weekend?

xoxo e

. Big decisions, new beginnings .

So.....I have a BIG decision

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

I'm moving back to FREDONIA, NEW YORK!! (in 4 weeks)

The idea just came to me. When people used to say that God layed something on their heart, I would always just say "that's so cool". However, I had no idea what that meant or what that was like, until last week. I had recently had a job interview at a local law firm for a legal secretary position. I'm not trying to speak highly of myself, but I was perfect for the job! I studied for 3 years at the State University of New York at Fredonia for criminal justice, and I did an 3 month internship at the victim's assistance program, a unit of the district attorney. So law and criminal justice is my thing, it's what I do and love. I did not get the job because I don't have a degree. I have enough experience in a related field, yet I wasn't qualified for the job!! Someone I know got the job though, she has a bachelor's degree in a completely different field, and had to be trained for over 2 weeks.

Because of this I started thinking. I went to school for 3 years, in New York. I was 20 credits, so basically a year, away from graduating. It was really hard for me to be there for more then one reason but the big one was this guy I was seeing at the time. I thought it was love, he thought I was just a body he could use. I thought we were getting married when I found out that he cheated on me....with 13 different girls. They weren't just one night stands, they were relationships, some even long term!!! I was so hurt and devastated that I just couldn't deal with it. One day I decided that I wasn't strong enough to stay there, I was going to give him a second chance (even though he didn't deserve it AT ALL). I packed up my car with things I really needed, grabbed my 2 cats and Izzie and drove to Virginia and never looked back. About a month later, my mom, dad, sister and I went back, packed and cleaned my house (I had a 3 bedroom house there) and put it on the market. I temporarily moved into my sisters basement while I was looking for a place to live down in Virginia.

2 Years have passed since I moved and I love it here in Virginia. I went back to Fredonia past August because I was the maid of honor in my best friends wedding. It was so weird to be back...nothing had really changed but it was still strange. My friend was renting my house, so it was my house but not really...it was odd. My friend moved out of the house and its now just sitting there...empty, not getting sold! Its been for sale for 2 years and no one seems remotely interested, even though its the cutest house and I wish I could pick it up and move it to Virginia :)

I was going to start at Liberty University after the summer that I moved so I could still get my degree and graduate. Liberty wasn't taking as many credits as I would have wanted, but it was better then starting with 0. After enrolling as a residential student, I was told my GPA wasn't high enough and that I needed to go to community college first to get my grades up. So I enrolled in the most random classes. It felt like such a waste of money, just taking stupid classes for grades. I then realized, I liked working (or the making money part of that actually). I ended up dropping out of community college and I enrolled in Liberty's online program. I was supposed to start classes in March but something went wrong with my financial aid.

And in hindesight everything was lining up for me to move back to NY.

- My lease ends May 31st

- I have a house that I can live in until it gets sold

- My old school will clearly take all my credits

- I love the area

- It will not nearly be as expensive as it is if I went to Liberty

- I didn't get the job at the law firm

- I HATE BEING A HOUSEKEEPER!

I remember cleaning the dorm wishing I could go back to school and re-do things. And look at that, without actually praying about/for it, I'm getting a do over. I get to go back to school and be a student again.

I'm super excited (as you can tell). I really feel like this is what I am supposed to do! Izzie is so excited too...first off she was born in Fredonia, anddddd my awesome dad built a fence in my yard that she can play in!!

I do need some prayers as I am waiting to find out if I got accepted back into school. It won't be a huge problem if I didn't because I will this time go to community college up there and get some of my electives out of the way to get my GPA up. Yes I know I dropped out of a different community college but I wasn't really thinking about my education as I do now...how important it is to have a degree.

I cannot wait. I am moving May 19th...thats a month from now!! I have 4 weeks to pack everything up (and let me tell you, I have a lot of crap)!! It's weird I always thought I was moving further south then back up north, but if this is where God wants me, I'm going!

xoxo e

. relationship / marriage / baby fever .

Disclaimer: I'm trying to be as honest as possible about my life and what is going on in it...and in my head. I want to treat this as a diary and talk openly about that what is affecting my life. Sometimes its negative, other times its positive...its important non the less.

{ image: http://differentkindofwalk.blogspot.com/2010/02/baby-fever.html }

I'm in a rut, and this past week just hasn't been my week. I'm trying to count my blessings, and be grateful for what I have instead of be upset over the things I don't have. I truly am grateful, even though sometimes it doesn't come across that way.

Baby fever has been going on in my life for a while now. And I fully understand as a Christian that jealousy is a sin...a bad one too. However, sometimes we get jealous, and envious at other people and what the have. I desperatly want to have a family, a husband and kids. My friends have been having babies and getting married...doing the things I so desire to do. Its not because we are all getting to that age, I am getting to that age. My friends are all about 4 years younger then me, in their early 20s. My 4 closest friends from the Netherlands had their babies Feb 18th, Feb 25th, April 6th and May 4th...I kinda feel left out :(

I had a conversation about this with Lynne (my sister). I asked her if this could possibly never happen for me. What if I'm not meant to have a husband or kids? She reassured me that if God puts a desire in your heart then He fully intends on giving it to you...at His time, which is what I stuggle with the most. When is it going to be my time? Last summer, I was sure I met the ONE, the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with, my soulmate. Turns out, he was a lesson I needed to learn. It was hard but I'm getting over it. I think this is all being brought on because its that time of year once again...my birthday. I'm getting older and I feel like my life is at a standstill. I work a dead end job, where I barely make minimum wage, I'm single (not even talking to anyone, let alone dating) and I'm starting to get frustrated.
I know everything happens when it is supposed to happen but I want it to be my time! I want to look back a year from now and read over this and realize how silly it sounds, haha. My biggest fear is that I will end up alone, but I'm also picky when it comes to the guys I date and won't date just anyone to avoid being alone.

When people ask me what I want to do as far as a job I tell people that I ultimately want to be a stay at home mommy. Everyone always just gives me this weird look, like I'm crazy or old fashioned...or both. I was put on this earth to raise babies :) that would be the ulitmate career for me, to be a mother, and I'm so excited for the day that I will be pregnant and have a loving husband who wants nothing more then to have kids with me and be and amazing father.

Until then...I have a temporary, practice baby. She has fur, but besides that she isn't too far off from a real baby ;)

{We love each other...clearly}

Any advice for me, and for feeling like this??

xoxo E

. Hoppy Easter .

Happy Easter everyone!! He is RISEN!!!

I love Easter, where we remember that Jesus gave His life for us and after 3 days rose again! Today I celebrated Easter by going to church with Lynne (my sister) and Justin (her husband). After church we made brunch consisting of: scrambled eggs, bacon, devilled eggs (even though we dubbed them Jesus eggs, that just sounded more appropriate!), cresent rolls, fresh strawberries and a ginormous chocolate chip cookie!!

When I was ready to leave, I realized I put my car keys in my purse, which I left in the car...ARGGGG. This is why I have insurance! After waiting for about 45 mins, they came and unclocked my car (this is the 6th time in a year and a half that I've locked my keys in my car). Then I came home and my bedroom door was locked from the inside and I couldn't get in!!! I called my complex and they said it wasn't an emergency so they were gonna charge me! I asked him if I could kick in the door then...everything I have is in my bedroom. Anyway, the maintanance guy called and said if I had a baby screw driver I could open the door, and sure enough....PRAISE THE LORD, my bedroom door unlocked!

Needless to say, I'm done for the day :)
Here are some Easter pictures

ANDDDDD no blog post would be complete without a picture of this little nugget :)

Hope ya'll had a fabulous Easter!!

xoxo E