. keep the change coming .

Yesterday I changed my whole blog layout and even came up with a new name! Today I went a little drastic and did something I've not done before.

I needed something to change in my life. Seen as how my therapist told me I am not allowed to get any more tattoos (for now) that wasn't an option. I recently got this beauty, but it heals so slow, I don't wanna get anything else pierced :)

{its an ugly ring for 8 weeks and then it will be replaced by a little diamond stud}

So to do something different, I told my boss I wanted to dye my hair. She suggested auburn, because of my pale skin and blue eyes and I told her NO!! But then I started looking at some different pictures and it grew on me. My boss is a costmetology student and suggested I go there to get it done...$15 for a full color! Heck to the yea!! So this was me before....very blonde

                      {sorry about the instagram pic...my phone won't let me send picture emails??}

And the after:

 

It is actually a little darker than the picture shows. I LOVE IT!!! I think it looks natural still even though it's a drastic change. Its a good fall/winter color and I think I will stick with it for now. I might get highlights added next week because the girl ran out of time, but I haven't decided yet.

 

 

So..what do ya'll think??

xoxo E

. make - over .

Hey ya'll,

I felt really great after sharing my story and it felt like a new start, I have finally gotten my story out there. I thought this meant it was time for a change, so a new blog name and layout were in the works!

I hope ya'll like the new things around here. I am working on finding someone who will custom design my blog because there are a few things I can't do myself and I'm too anal to leave things off centered and all on here...drives me NUTS! I might just give myself a custom blog design session by a professional for Christmas :)

Tomorrow I'll be posting about this past semester, how time is flying by and my plans for after graduation!!

Have a lovely evening!

xoxo E

. if you really knew me {link up} .

Today I'm linking up with Becky from 'From MRS to MAMA'

I haven't blogged in a long time and I honestly thought about giving it up. But there was something in me that wanted to keep blogging, and maybe make a difference in someone's life and perhaps save someone from going through what I am going through.

(I'm not looking for a pitty party, I am sharing my story to tell others that they are not alone and that they will make it through and let my story serve as a warning that should not be ignored)


My story is not always a pretty one, but its mine and I wouldn't change it. Everything happens for a reason, even the bad things in our lives, and I am a firm believer of that. I'm a Christian and all my faith is in God. He has a plan for my life, and this was part of His master plan. I am just now starting to realize that this is where my passion is, and I want to make a career out of it (Lord willing). This is a pretty long story, just so ya'll know

WARNING: I left out the details, but some people might experience triggers..

When I started college I was 21 and recently moved to the States from The Netherlands. I was really naive and was trying really hard to fit in and not stand out too much from the other freshman who were all 18 and away from their parents for the first time. I hadn't really been a drinker before I came to college (drinking is legal at 16 in the Netherlands) but by trying to fit in and be popular I had my fair share of alcoholic beverages in college :)

After my freshman year, my parents bought a house and I lost a lot of my friends because I was no longer living on campus and part of their lives. I adopted a puppy (yay Izzie) and was pre-occupied with other things besides drinking and going out every night. In an effort to find more friends, I got an invite thru facebook to go to a party. It was November 9th 2008 and it is a day that is etched in my memory.

Shortly after arriving at this house I realized I was the only girl (bad sign #1). I brought my own alcohol, knowing the dangers of drinking someone else's drinks at a house with people you are now familiar with. There was maybe 10-15 guys there and I knew none of them. I had a few drinks and I lost conciousness. To make a long story short, I ended up getting raped by at least 3 of the guys that were there. I was there for over 7 hours and I was in and out of consiousness so its hard to remember (I have a collective memory of that night of maybe 10 minutes). Sometimes I wish I remembered all the details and other times I am glad I don't.

I reported the crime 2 days later and decided not to press charges (I am not really sure why and looking back I wish I would have). I just recently requested a copy of my statememt and it is heartbreaking to read because I can tell that I was really confused about what had happened, and still am. After stuggling to keep my head above water in school I dropped out and moved away. My GPA was so bad I almost got expelled and being on campus gave me too much anxiety so I never attended classes.

Being away for 2 years has really opened my eyes and made me realize that I am a much stronger person than I thought I was, strong was all I had. I felt like I had unfinished business here and after talking to school and realizing I could come back, I decided this was my chance to get my college degree...after 6 years.

I have had to overcome many obstacles coming back here, from driving past the house, to having a mild case of PTSD, and it hasn't been easy. This is something that I deal with almost every day. I try to tell every girl I meet or become friends with my story, and I encourage her to tell her friends so that this can stop.

One in 4 women will become a victim of rape before they graduate from college, that is sickening. I recently spoke in front of 100 people at my school's 'Take Back The Night' event and I was so empowered. I felt like God was finally telling me that I found my calling, this is what I am meant to do!

I am meant to share my story, so that others can learn from my mistakes. So that people, men and women, can become educated about the risks. I feel so inspired to do something really good with something so bad. I have finally found my job, my life, my passion. I am thinking about starting a company that goes around high schools and college so I can share my story and REDUCE the number of victims, or work for a sexual assault prevention and education company. Girls should be careful when in bad situations and alcohol can be a main factor when it comes to making decisions. Guys should be educated on how to speak up when they are a bystander and see things they don't want to see happen. It will take time, but with a lot of people and will power, a change WILL be made!!

I am doing better than ever in school and I am more focused and driven than ever. Once I put my faith in God, He opened my eyes and my heart and showed me the way.

I feels really good/nervewrecking/anxious/excited/scared/bless to be able to put this out there. I would like to add that if you have nothing nice to say, then PLEASE do not say anything at all. Thank your for reading all of my story, I know it's long..so thank you!

Please don't hesitate to email me if you have any questions, concerns or want to talk

xoxo E

. feeling neglected? .

I would! I haven't written a post in a month...A MONTH!! I thought I was making a comeback appearently a month ago, and then things happened..my life happened { 10 points if you can tell me what movie that's from :) }

Lets break my life down in catagories shall we, there is school, work, and animals :)
Yea you heard that right, no social life!

School
School started at the end of August. I had to work a 7 hour shift first before my first class and I was so darn nervous! If you know me, you know I talk an obnoxious amount...well I was so nervous that I could not stop talking!! Both my bosses had to tell me to shut up { which is not a good thing, haha }. It was so weird to be back on campus and it seemed like I had never been to school there, like it was all a dream. I don't know, it was a weird feeling.
My first class went great, its funny because literally everyone in the class knew each other..except me. So this semester I am taking White-Collar Crime, Social Statistics, Introduction to Archaeology, Family Sociology and Elementary Italian. I have a nice variety of classes and so far we are 3 weeks in and I'm doing really well! I'm so looking forward to graduating...I cannot wait!!

Work
Im still working at the Upper Crust and still loving it! Its amazing because I've never actually loved a job especially not for this long. I can already tell it's going to be sad when I have to leave there.
And in other news...after 26 years I think I have finally figured out what type of career I'd like to persue after I'm done with school. I would love to be a victim advocate and I'm praying that God has the same idea in mind for me! A victim advocate is basically a counselor that helps victims and witnesses to understand the criminal and legal procedures. The Victim/Witness advocates can be with you at the scene, at the hospital, in the courtroom and help you navigate the justice system. They are the “first responders” to the victim or witness and their family.I would explain to victims or survivors of crimes what is happening in present time or what is going on around them. This is an attempt to help give them back a sense of control around their immediate surroundings. I would attend court proceedings with or without the victim. Assist in preparing the victim or witness for court. During the trial the Advocate stays with the victim or witness and explains the procedure and answers all questions. In 2009 I did an internship at the Victims Assistance Program for the District Attorney in my county, it was great, and I learned so much. Im excited to graduate and get going with my life. I will be starting to apply for jobs in Decemer, 6 months before I graduate so hopefully I'll have a job by the time I have that little piece of paper. I don't have any states that I'm more interested in then others...its exciting to see where God wants me!

Animals
Besides caring for Izzie I also recently adopted a baby kitty!
 

{ hazel @ 2 weeks old }

 

Baby Hazel came into my life almost a month ago. She was born July 31st and was about 2 weeks old when she found me, oh and she weighed a whopping 0.5lbs :). My friend was taking care of Hazel's mom, and when the mom had Hazel and her brother and sisters she rejected all but one {bad mommy}. My friend was raising 3 kittens by bottle and was just overwhelmed, so I took Hazel home to 'foster' her. I think my foster idea was completely obliterated by cuteness oh maybe 4 days after I got her...she's mine forever! I had to bottle feed her every 2 hours (now every 3-4), burp her, bathe her, help her go to the bathroom, keep her warm, socialize her and help her become a cat. She is thriving! I go home in between classes and in my 30 minute lunch break from work so I can feed her and walk Izzie. Its a lot, but they are so woth it! Hazel will be 6 weeks old in 2 days and has changed so much over the past few weeks, its really neat to see. Here are some more pictures of the newest baby :)

{ hazel + mommy 3 weeks old }

 

{ hazel 4 weeks old & 15oz }

 { hazel 5 weeks old..her blue eyes are turning green }

 

{ hazel almost 6 weeks old...looking more like a kitty every day }

 

 

 

And the cutest picture of all:

 

They love each other and I love them tons!! They are my babies :)

 

Happy Thursday

 

xoxo E
 

. workout Wednesday .

I have been so crazy busy with work that I have not yet had time to do groceries or make healthy meals in a while. This kinda has worked out in my favor...that and being on my feet walking all day long has also helped. I saw a number on the scale that I haven't seen in a while...drum roll please :)

148.4

I'm so excited to be seeing the number go down since I started. I got off to a slow start, but I think I might be on a roll now. I'm stoked!!!

Hopefully soon I'll get my stuff together and upload some before and after pictures!

xoxo E

. soon i'll be covered in... .

via

Yep...I'm having ink fever :) again! I would love to get more tattoos (no worries mom, I won't go crazy and be covered!)

I'm heading to Virginia this weekend for a birthday party, a going away party...and a tattoo appointment!! I'm sure a lot of people think I'm nuts for getting this tattoo, and that's ok. Everyone is entitled to their oppinions and I respect them, but this tattoo is for me and for me alone.

This is a stamp of Izzie's paw. I'm getting this tattooed on the top of my right foot. I have had Izzie since she was 6 weeks old and she has been with me thru a lot and I want to never forget what we went thru (maybe someday on the blog I'll talk about it, but for right now it's between Izzie and I). She is there for me when I'm sad, lonely, happy, you name it, she's with me. Like the blog title say's, right now its just Izzie and me! I love this dog like nothing else...its insane really :)

Then after that one, I have a few more tattoos planned. In no particular order:

this one

{ This was taken right after the bandage was taken off..I should update this picture no?? :) }

will be extended to look like this:

via

I'm pretty sure this will cover up most of my back. I really want someone to draw this on me in pen so I can see what it looks like when it's all done that way if I don't like it I don't waste a tattoo artist's time by having to draw it up and me not liking it. I'll have to find someone who can draw...

I have a tattoo on my ribs that says: "Each day is a gift, not a given right". Its a quote from a Nickelback song and I absolutely love the quote but I'm not sure about the lettering, I also don't want to cover any of my tattoos up. They were all done at a specific time in my life. So instead of covering it up I'm thinking about putting either a tree with no leaves on it with the quote in there or a cherry blossom tree, like so:

via



to go around my quote that is this..capeesh??

{ this tattoo is a lot smaller then this, it covers a little bit of my ribs, so it would be as big as the picture above }

Next up: a thigh tattoo. I've wante one for a while now and I was playing around with the idea of a peacock, but that doens't really have any meaning to me. So I came up with the idea of getting my mom, dad, Lynne and my birth flowers on my left thigh...there is nothing more important then family an this will be a pretty, colorful way to pay tribute to that. And when I have children, I would like their birth flowers added on my right thigh.

And the last one I really really want, and will probably be my next one. A tattoo on the inside of my arm that will say:

And because I don't want it to be just the writing, I may add this to it:

I would like just the birdcage, not the chandelier. I think the bird in the cage represents quitting before something good happens and therefor staying in your cage. I can't wait to get this...I've always wanted a tattoo on my inner arm.

Basically my tattoo artist is going to be making bank on me, and my body will be covered in more art. I love tattoos and what they represent to me and I'm hoping that in this day and age no one will judge me on my ink and not my personality!

What is your oppinion on tattoos?

xoxo E





. updatie .

once again, I took a little unplanned bloggie break! I'm back though, I have some blog updates planned for this week and I'm excited to get back into the groove :)

I got a new job a few weeks ago...basically when I stopped blogging. Here is a little back story. So basically I had a job interview at an agricultural transport company for a position as an accounting assistant. I got a call back for a second interview and it was between me and another girl. I thought I did really well, and I NEEDED this job, I had to get away from McDonald's, that job really was a temporary solution to a financial problmems. I got a call saying I did not get the job. I was pretty devastated to be honest and didn't quite understand what His plan was, I mean surely I don't have to work at McDonald's for a lot longer...right?

Well I talked to my aunt who told me the quote I put online here earlier, "Don't quit before the miracle". That day my neighbor came up to me and told me that this cute coffee shop downtown was hiring...its like a family style panera/starbucks mix with amazing sandwiches, soups, bakery items and coffee drinks. It's called "The upper crust" and I've been going there since my freshman year. So I went there right away, and filled out the application. These 2 girls that worked there asked about my experience and availability and the girl behind the counter told me I would get a call the next day. So I left and went to get some groceries, and I had left there maybe 20 minutes and I got a call!! They asked me to come in for an interview the next day!! So I went in the next day and met with the owner, Jim, and I thought it went really well. I went in on  Monday morning to see if I got the job or not, and the girl behind the counter went back, came out again and said "ok, you work Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday from 11-3pm", I was shocked and so excited! So I worked all that week at the Upper Crust and at McDonalds, and it got pretty hectic and busy! The week after that was even worse, working 16 hours on Monday and 11 hours the rest of the week! I'm so happy that I have found a job where I feel at home, people are nice to me and I love the girls I work with.

I'm leaving for VA again this Thursday so lots of pictures shall be posted next week. I'll also be getting more ink which I am estatic about...it's about time! I think I have 6 new tattoos planned...this is a tiny financial problem that we shall discuss later, yes :)

How have you been? I really missed blogging but this time I'm going to keep my word and I'm back!

xoxo E