something's gotta give

Some people know from a very early age that they want to be a nurse, or teacher when they grow up. Some people fall into a job or career that they never thought of, but it couldn't be a better fit for them. I have always known I wanted to be a mother when I grew up. Yet here I am, 27 and single, recently graduated from college with no backup plan (almost wrote plan b, before realizing what that stood for and then changed it to backup plan).

It never dawned on me that maybe I should think of something else to do in case I won't be a mom for a while. I have a degree in criminal justice with a minor in sociology and I would love to work in that field, but there seems to be limited jobs and a lot of demand.

Now I'm sitting here, in my sisters guest bedroom where I have been for the past 6 weeks. I have no place to call my own. All my belongings are in storage and I have no access to them (I'm talking about shoes here ladies!). I miss my things and I miss having a reason to get up in the morning, to get dolled up and hang out with friends and work at a job I love / like.

With the freedom that I wrote about here comes a lot of uncertainty. For example, I can go wherever I want to, but that seems to be changing a lot (from NC to AZ, big difference). I can be whatever I want to be, but I don't know what I would like to do. Maybe I'm just overwhelmed and I can't seem to make sense of anything. I am trying to make decisions, but they are not easy ones to make. There aren't many things I know for sure and that is scary.

Here is what I do know: I am practically homeless (not meaning I don't have a roof over my head, but I don't have a place to call my own), I am broke as a joke, I have sent out over 50 applications and so far received 15 rejection emails, I took 1 skills test that landed me in a 'pool of applicants for future openings' (I don't want to be in a pool that doesn't contain cholorine, or a job in the near future), and the Phoenix, AZ area is a frontrunner of possible places to live (where or how I came up with that one I can't tell you. If ANYONE lives in or near Phoenix, please please please email me telling me the ins and outs of the city and surrounding towns. I've never been!)

In my eyes, it doesn't look good, but it could be worse, much worse. There are not enough thank you's in the world that can thank my family for supporting me while I figure this thing called 'life' out. Its no fun, and I'm not enjoying myself. Hanging out at home all day with not a whole lot to do besides hang out with these two manicas

 

Hanging out with these two is a lot of fun...for the first 4 weeks, but its getting old.

 

Frustration and lack of patience are two of my enemies, along with not being able to talk to people during the day (too much thinking time is no good for anyone). Being single with no near future possibilities is making me realize that I should start doing things alone, like possibly buying a house (not right now, but eventually). I don't want to sit around and wait for mr. right or the right job to come along. I need to grab the bull by the balls in this shitty economy / job market.

 

So I guess I'll start p90x tomorrow again. I literally have no excuse not to do it, its not like I have no time! I might as well get a hot(ter) body while being unemployed. I'm not trying to be terribly negative or act as a debby downer (I am fully aware of the many blessings in my life at this moment), I am simply trying to write down my feelings and read back on this once I have a career, a husband and a child!!

 

Any advice for me? I'm sure it is not just me that is struggling or has struggled. Any help with be useful :)

freedom

That's what I have...absolute freedom. I am in my (ahem, upper) 20s, single and the whole world is open, well not the whole world, but you get what I mean.

I just graduated, am currently not employed and I live with my sister. I am not tied to anyone right now and I don't feel like there is somewhere specific I should be. I can literally throw a dart at a map and move to wherever I throw. Now, I have some restrictions to my preferred destination. It needs to be warm, preferably all year around, and there needs to be no snow. I've lived in the north pole (exaggerated but still) for 4 years, and I'm over it.

There are not that many times in life that we find ourselves completely free. I'm starting to realize that I should take this opportunity and run with it. I can do whatever I like, move wherever I want and be whatever I desire. That is an awesome feeling. There must be people who are in relationships or marriages and feel restricted, like they have no freedom. I will grab this freedom and run with it as fast and as far away as I can!

via

 

 

Even a year ago I wouldn't have 'wanted' this freedom. I wanted to be married and have babies NOW!! I'm learning that there is no need to rush things I can't control anyway. I want to do spontaneous things, and move places that are far away. Why should I settle to live in a tiny town with no real future, when I can live literally wherever I want to? I shouldn't, and I won't! I'm so excited for this adventure and I'm starting to realize how rare it is to have this opportunity in life. If I stay here, I will surely regret it later. When I'm married, have 2 kids and spend my days covered in spit-up, I don't want to regret not using the freedom I was given. There are many areas I'm considering moving to, none of them are set in stone (a post about that will be up later). I can't wait to explore new things, make new friends, and live somewhere awesome :)

 

So cheers to freedom, cheers to doing what we want to do for ourselves while we have the chance to, and cheers to finding freedom even if we have people that rely on us and that we rely on. I can't wait to be in a committed relationship / marriage, but for now I am thankful that I have been given the opportunity to enjoy this freedom.

F.F. - mint & gold

I seem to have gotten into wearing different colors since I went from blonde to auburn. I used to love silver, but now I'm into wearing gold. I like regular gold, and I love love rose gold. My new favorite summer color is by far mint! Mint goes with everything, and it feels like summer when I wear it. This is the dress I wore to my graduation ceremony. I love the high low :)

 

dress: Forever 21

shoes: Sole Society

purse: TjMaxx

sunnies: Jessica Simpson

belt: Target

 

Happy Friday!

what I'm loving right now

Here is a quick little post while I finish the last few days of MY LAST UNDERGRADUATE CLASS EVER!!


1. HINT water

 

Sometimes I get bored of just drinking plain old water. Hint is water with a 'hint' (duh) of fruit. It has 0 calories, is vegan, gluten free, has no MSG and no preservatives. Their slogan? "Hint; drink water, not sugar." LOVE IT

 

2. Grey's Anatomy

 

 

 

 



While I'm searching for a job/career, I needed something to watch. My sister suggested Grey's Anatomy and what a great suggestion it was! I LOVE THIS SHOW! I think I watched until season 3 once before but there are 8 seasons so it will take me a while to watch them all. I highly suggest it, I'm hooked!

3. This shirt from h&m

Got this baby in the yellow and in white. Free shipping on the h&m website means shopping! They don't ship to America but with a lovely family in the Netherlands, I ship it there and my awesome mommy ships it over here :)

4. This brow pencil from Sonia Kashuk

I have naturally very light (invisible) eyebrows and after I dyed my hair I needed a good eyebrow pencil. I finally found a great one!! And this is not tested on animals :) I got mine in 'Taupe'

5. This rose gold watch from Tarjay

I love my new rose gold watch from Target. I have been getting a lot of rose gold jewelry lately, but this watch just goes with everything. Plus it matches the beautiful ring my parents got me for graduation

 

There ya have it. The 5 things I love right now. Happy Monday :)

 

 

F.F. - pink & stripes

Its time for Fashion Friday again!

When I saw these pants my sister bought I wanted them. The JCrew outlet just had its final factory sale, and I spotted them in a box (and in a size 14) I knew I had to have them. After scouring through plenty more boxes, I found them in my size and for a steal!

I love how versatile they are and how incredibly comfy they are. I want to wear them all the time, they feel like pj's :)

 

{ note to self: make sure necklace isn't awkwardly around boob next time :) }

 

Pants: JCrew

Shirt: Forever 21

Necklace: TJMaxx

Ring: H&M

Watch: Fossil

Purse: JCrew

Sandals: Target

Sunnies: Jessica Simpson

 

Happy Friday!



. Graduation Day .

I accomplished something great on May 18th 2013. Sometimes we accomplish something that we don't know is as amazing as it is. Graduating from college with my undergraduate degree, was one of those accomplishments.

Let me tell you why...After leaving school after my junior year of college, with a GPA that was so low I was close to being expelled, I decided to take a break from school. I just ended a relationship and was thouroughly confused. My mom was coming to visit me and help me figure things out when I said, enough is enough. I packed my car as full as it would go, packed up my 2 cats and Izzie, and drove the 9 hours through the evening/night to my sister's house in VA. By the time I got to VA, my sister had gotten me a job.

I temporarily moved to her basement, before moving to a variety of different apartment, with different roommates. I worked odd jobs, mostly waitressing. In February of 2012 I found a fulltime job that came with benefits, a first for me. I was a housekeeper at a university, cleaning girls dorm bathrooms. I was so envious of them and told them to enjoy it, because I wish I could go back to school. It made me think, was it possible for me to go back to school? I called my school on a whim and sure enough, it wasn't too late for me. I enrolled back into school, gave my 2 weeks notice at work, and moved back to NY.

I moved back into my house, which was still for sale after almost 2 years on the market, and I found an amazing job at a bakery / soup company. I started my senior year in college in August of 2012. It was odd to be back, no one looked familiar. I wasn't there to make friends, I was there to get my degree!

While working mostly fulltime and going to school fulltime, and running an ok household, which included caring for 2 animals, I managed to make the deans list my first semester. I could now officially graduate, my GPA was high enough!! I took a full courseload in the fall, a intensive winter class during christmas break, a full courseload in the spring, I walked the graduation ceremony, and enrolled in 3 more intensive summer classes in order to get enough credits to get my degree (I now have one more week left in my last class).

While I often forget how great of an accomplishment this is, I do realize that this is almost unbelievable. I went from academic probation, to being a semester away from being expelled, to making dean's list and walking the graduation ceremony. And while most people don't think about it, myself included, I did all of that in my second language. It is a great accomplishment and I am proud of myself.

Here are some of the pictures!

{per my dad's request - excuse the picture quality}

 

 

 

It is for a few special people that helped me along the way...you know who you are. I couldn't have done it without your help / encouragement / blessings / support & love

FF - Fashion Friday

I'm so excited to be adding a fashion element to my blog! Every Friday I will post an FF, Fashion Friday post. This post will show an outfit of the week that I like and is fashionable.

Being home in Holland meant that pictures had to be taken near a windmill. Can't blame me, can't you :)

Enjoy the first of many FF's!

 

 

 

top - forever 21 {similar here }

shorts - forever 21 {different color here }

shoes - scapino

purse - V&D

sunglasses - forever 21 { here }

watch - target { similar here }

bracelet - tjmaxx

earrings - wet seal { similar here }

 

 

Hope ya'll like it. Happy Friday!