. unplanned .

IM ALIVE!!

It seems I have taken an unplanned little blogging break, but IM BACK!!!!

I'll resume my regular posting tomorrow...you better get excited :) I have some awesome posts coming up and those include 'Work out Wednesday' and 'Throwback Thursday'

xoxo E

. Tuesday travel's .

I have been traveling a ton in the past few days, and today I will be driving to Front Royal, Virginia to hang out with my aunt, uncle and their animal clan :)

It should be a short drive, about 2.5 hours from where I am now. I'm excited to be hanging out with my aunt, we have an awesome relationship, and I love my uncle...they are a perfect match. They have 2 dogs, Eli and Ella who are amazing (Izzie and Eli are actually boyfriend & girlfriend).

So, because I'm traveling today and most of Wednesday (going back to NY) and am out of slightly more interesting stuff to say, I figured I'd introduce you to Izzie's friends & family :)

This is Eli...Izzie's boyfriend. He's a black lab and super smart!

What a stud!

This is Ella, Eli's sister, and Izzie's friend. She's a mix of a whole bunch of stuff, with the best personality!

And then there's Phoebe..or phoebs. She is my sister's dog, Izzie's cousin. They were born about 2 months apart, Phoebe in April and Izzie in June. They were together a lot growing up and they love each other and play all the time. They are more sisters then cousins...aka, they fight all the time. But its more a playful fight. They might not like each other at times, but they'll always love each other!

Phoebe as a puppy, so cute!

Phoebe, all grown  up

They go on mountain hikes together (excuse the sweaty, no make up picture..this hike was no joke!)

They go swimming together

And like to go for car rides together.

These 4 dogs together are a full on wolf pack :). At first I was scared having a small dog, but Izzie hold up pretty good with big dogs. I honestly don't think she knows she's super tiny compared to them and weighs next to nothing haha.

I love watching them play and I'm glad we have dogs that all get along and have a great time together! Izzie is excited to see her boyfriend and friend today and we will be going down to my aunt's river to tire her out...I expect her to sleep the whole way home!

xoxo E

. forgiven but not forgotten .

via

So there are times in our lives when friends or the ones we thought we loved hurt us in all sorts of different ways. I think its unavoidable in any kind of relationship to have to forgive people. There is a difference between doing it on purpose or on accident. You can accidentally hurt someones feelings that require the other person's forgiveness, but sometimes people can be just plain cruel and hurt you on purpose.

I'm having a hard time forgiving certain people. I'm REALLY good holding grudges, however, I just can't forgive. I'm a lot like my grandmother in that sense, I believe she got into an argument with her brother...oh 40 some years ago and never talked to him again. I understand how you can do that with friends, but not with family. You can't choose your family, God picked them for you, and they will have flaws that you have to look past, or work on, but you can't just pick up and never talk to them again (or I couldn't do that).

Now, I'm getting better at forgiving. I know this will keep me sane and will make me a better person, however FORGETTING is never going to happen. I cannot forget some of the things that people have done to me. I will remember for years what someone did to me, and why we no longer talk, or hang around each other. There is just some stuff that people did to really upset me and hurt me so bad that there is no looking around that fact and I couldn't just continue to be friends with that person when that is all I would think about.

Sometimes I'm not too terribly upset when someone hurts me, but when you disrespect my parents...that a whole other story! That is just so utterly disrespectful and makes you seem like you weren't raised well or that you just have really screwed up manners. How dare you disrespect MY parents? I mean you can disrespect your parents for all I care, but to do that to someone else's parents is just beyond me. I hope to think that I treat all adults, parents with respect and dignity and that is because of the way I was raised and how I want people to see me. I'm not saying that I'm perfect in any way and that I didn't hurt anyone's feelings throughout my life, but I hope that I never disrespected anyone.

I just can't stand being lied to, or hurt by people and I have a hard time forgiving and I really CANNOT forget. I hope at some point I can be better at forgiving people, but I don't think I can learn how to forget. I just don't want to end up missing out on opportunities because I can't forgive someone's smallest mistake.

If any of ya'll have any advice on how to work on this, it would be greatly appreciated :) Thanks for letting me vent!

xoxo E

. VA roadtrip .

Ahhh, I'm back in Virginia! It might just be for a long weekend, but I am SOO excited to be here! My friends are getting married tomorrow, they are the most precious couple and I can't wait to see them say I DO :)

So my drive was supposed to take 9 hours...it took me 13.5 to get here! Why you ask? I worked from 6pm until 3am (way too long to be at McDonalds if you ask me!) and I went home, took a shower, got ready, packed up Izzie and headed out. It was nice to leave around 4am because my parents are 6 hour ahead so they were already awake...and Lord know's I needed them!

I started driving on the thru way and my car started shaking really bad. Now it did that the other day when I took it in to get fixed. I got a letter saying a part in my car was being recalled and I needed to get it fixed and I asked them to see why my car was shaking. They told me that Sears gave me a bad tire, they handed me a sheet with a graph and some words I've never seen before on it and I guess that it showed that Sears had to give me a new tire...go figure!

Well the shaking was horrible. I had to have both hands on the wheel at all times because I thought I was going to lose contol of my car if I didn't have both hands on it because it wasn't just shaking it was kind of swaying back and forth...really strange. I called my mom and told her and I asked her to call my dad to check and make sure this wasn't really dangerous, I mean my tire wasn't just going to fall off...right??

My dad told me he rather me not drive on the PA turnpike with all the truck and it being a narrow road and my car swaying like I was in a hurricane. So he told me to go find a place to get it fixed...uhm dad, its 5am. Nothing was open. So I opted to keep driving, 10 miles under the speed limit for safety and find a place along the way. My mom found a Pep Boys and she made an appointment online for 8am. I got there around 7:30am, so I didn't have to wait to terribly long for them to open. They went and checked out my car right away and even took it for a drive to feel it shake.

Now in the mean time, I have to entertain a puggle who won't just sit still or lay down. No she needs to be carried, or walked or something to keep her occupied. We circled the building and the store....exhibit A (there is no exhibit B..I just felt like saying exhibit A)

{ Princess Stinky getting driven around the store }

Turns out when I got my brand spankin new tires a month and a half ago, the nice people at Sears balanced 3 tires....too bad there were 4!! My front left tire wasn't balanced and that was what was causing the shaking. $22 later..my car was fixed and we were on the road again!

I swear someone came to my house when I was at work and switched Izzie for some other dog who whines a lot. Izzie loves car rides, once I get to a steady pace, she falls right asleep and whines maybe once during the 9 hours to go potty. She would NOT STOP whining almost all 13 hours!!! I don't know what was up, but I know we stopped over 10 times so she could go potty...which means sniff every piece of gras to only pee 2 drops!

It went by pretty fast, but at the end I was just done for. I took a nap in the backseat of my car in a McDonalds parking lot, gotta stay safe, but once I got close I got exhausted. I'm pretty sure that for a tiny mili second I might have closed my eyes on accident while driving. Its by the grace of God that I made it safe today between all the things going wrong!

So 2 lessons learned today:

1. Don't drive when you have had maybe 4 hours of sleep in the past 2 days

2. Don't plan a road trip on Friday the 13th..nuff said

Hope you've enjoyed my shenanigans! I'm hoping for a less adventurous trip back :)

xoxo E

. lets talk about something no one else talks about .

I don't understand why some subjects are so taboo and hush hush, and no one wants to talk about this...so I am! Lets talk about this subject, shall we

In December 2007 I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, chronic depression and major depression (at the time). I was diagnosed with chronic depression because ever since I was about 13 I've been feeling depressed (it became chronic because there was never 6 months or longer where I was feeling OK and happy). Depression runs in my family, and I'm OK with the fact that I have it too.

I was asked if I wanted to start trying medicine to see if that would help, and I did. I actually didn't mind the medicine I was put on, I felt great (besides the fact that it was $90 for 30 days and I had no insurance). Over Christmas break I told my parents about my diagnosis (since they live in the Netherlands, I wanted to tell them face to face). They were shocked at first but I think things finally fell into place for them about my behavior.

When I moved to Virginia I was doing a lot better. I lived closer to my family and things were looking up, I was much happier. But I started having really bad mood swings, so I went to see a counselor. She diagnosed me with bipolar disorder but we decided my current medicine was OK for now (I was on medicine that was in the Walmart $4 program..which was a lot better then $90 and it worked the same). I started dating a guy who didn't understand how to deal with me, my mood swings, or the fact that I had mental health issues. With a little help from him and the support from my family I decided to wean off my meds to see who I really was. I know your not supposed to take anti depressants when your pregnant and I figured I should see what it was like to be off my meds now, so that it wouldn't come as a shock when I did get pregnant a few years down the road. So I weaned myself off...that was hard, it came with hot flashes, and mood swings like I've never had before! It took me 2 months to completely come off, because I did it really gradually. I've stopped cold turkey before and that was A BAD IDEA!

I found out that a lot of my personality changed after I stopped taking my meds. I feel like this is the real me and I love it, I'm overall really happy. I still get mood swings, but they are no where near as bad or as often as they were before. The boy didn't know how to handle me going from happy all the time, to going through withdrawal, to finding out who I really was (which is really different from my personality on the medicine) so we are no longer together. I struggle every now and then with feeling depressed, but I'm doing really good. I'm trying to keep an upbeat, positive attitude. I do have days where I don't feel good mentally, and I know how to deal with those. Plus someone in my family will always be there to talk to me if I am feeling down and depressed.


I can't wait to find someone who doesn't mind talking about it. Who I can be completely myself with and I don't have to feel like I'm just making up how I'm feeling. I need someone who will always be there for me no matter what my mood is because I will struggle with this for the rest of my life. And luckily I know that He will provide and find me a man who is perfect...for me!! I can't wait to meet him, marry him and start a life and family together

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart."

JEREMIAH 29:11-13

I know I'm not the only one struggling with this, and it feels good to write about it. I hope people know that it's OK, and definitely NOTHING to be ashamed of!

xoxo E

. awesome quote .

I was on the phone with my aunt today, and she told me a quote, or saying. Her brother, my uncle told her, and she told me and now I'm sharing it with you!!

Don't quit before the miracle

I love this so so much! It makes total sense. Right now I am hating my job, but what if I make awesome friends, or get another job offer from a customer? I can't quit before the miracle. Those that know me will probably know what I'm going to say next, but once I've saved up enough money...I will most likely get it tattooed, because this is something that I need to be reminded of every single day..plus I love tattoos, ya'll know that :)

Hope ya'll like this as much as I do!

xoxo E

. workout Wednesday .

Ok ...I'm not sure how I did it, but my weight as of this morning is

151.8!!! :)

This whole doing a workout DVD is not cutting it for me right now. I'm too lazy and lack discipline. I just got Netflix and I was watching a documentary called "fat, sick and nearly dead", I highly reccommend it. Now what this guy does is drink juice for 60 days. He juices all his fruits and vegetables and lives on that for 60 days....I can't remember how much he lost, but it was incredible! Now I really don't have that much weight to lose or flab to get under control, but I think I'm going to give this a go. My sister is selling me her hardly used juicer so hopefully I can get started next week!! I'm going to do it for 10 days first, and see how i feel. After the 10 days, I'll probaby have a regular breakfast, like eggs and an english muffin and juice for the remainder of the 60 days. I will be keeping up on how that goes, maybe daily, mabye weekly, but it sure is going to be a challenge.

I will still be walking Izzie for an hour a day, which hopefull will merge it to running. And I'll also be doing ab ripper I'm thinking on Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

Now go, watch this documentary and be inspired!!! :)


xoxo E